What age is a good age to talk about porn?

Ages: 6-10
Goal: Connect with your child around concerns for their heart and mind and build trust for future connecting times.
Objective One: Explain what porn is and the concern surrounding it.
Objective Two: Discuss how to respond to an encounter with porn.

This is the prime age to begin to talk with your kids about porn. For most of us we probably look at this stage in our kid’s lives with such innocence and possibility. But it is at this stage of their lives that they are vulnerable as well. Vulnerable to new ideas and concepts that may not even be on their radar screen; ideas about sex or sexuality that go beyond the norm. The pornography accessible to our children within a few mouse clicks on the internet is very different from the porn we as parents may have encountered in our adolescence or childhood. It is at this age-stage that kids begin to understand love and appropriate touch and even begin to have crushes on the opposite sex. But the visual images that flood most of porn today can leave an indelible mark or perspective of sex that may bring about further difficult feelings or illicit sexual feelings never intended for a child’s heart or ability. The approach at this age-stage is to be very aware of their current emotional development. You may need to discuss basic sexual education with an emphasis on love and relationship in marriage along with an explanation of what pornography is.

Ages: 10-14
Goal: Assist your early teen in seeing the detriments of pornography during a crucial time of their sexual development.
Objective One: Make sure that you have talked with your child about their sexual development. (do the basic sexual education talk)
Objective Two: Re-explain what porn is and the draw to it in regards to their new found sexual feelings and curiosity.
Objective Three: Discuss options with your teen to process the sexual feelings they may feel that entices to let porn soothe.

It is at this age that our children begin to change relationally, emotionally, physically, and mentally. They begin to move from what I call “2D” thinking to “3D” thinking. They begin to take in not only words and concepts, but they begin to see how those concepts and words affect them with others and themselves. This change in how they see themselves and others greatly affects their perspective and process of their sexual development. It is very normal for teens to begin to have questions and explore their sexuality as it develops. With this growth into adolescence the exploration of their sexuality through masturbation and discussing love, sex, and relationships with peers may also leave the door open for an exploration of pornography whether stumbled upon or shown to them by one of their peers. A parent’s attentiveness to this process and willingness to talk frankly to their child at this stage will be important for the teen to be able to discern the dangers and consequences of exploring porn.

Ages: 14-20
Goal: To express a continual concern for discernment in the arena of porn as they grow into adulthood.
Objective One: Affirm their character and ability to make good choices in the areas of their life including their sexual development.
Objective Two: Re-explain what porn is and the need to have a continual understanding of it’s allure and the need for discernment.

It is never too late to approach your teen or early adult concerning their sexual development and pornography. Actually, you will want to journey with them through their development in discerning and understanding the arena of porn. However, approaching your teen or early adult at this age-stage about pornography may be met with some resistance. Their resistance may be packaged in, “I know all about that, Mom,” or “Haven’t we already discussed this?” or “Dad, not now!” Most of this resistance may be normal teenage autonomy development and some of it may be general shame or embarrassment about the subject. If you have already begun to talk with them about the detriments of porn, continuing to express concern for them without nagging or being overly protective will help to keep the discernment in this area of their life at the forefront of their minds. If this is the first time to talk about porn with them, begin the conversation by apologizing that you have not come sooner to talk about this important subject. And then proceed with the porn talk. Trust that some of the info is getting in beyond the resistance (due to your willingness and courage to discuss the subject) and then plan to check-in with them further a few months down the road.