Overcoming Fears

We have discovered that one of the main reasons parents do not talk to their kids about pornography and Internet dangers is because of fear. Fear of messing it up. Fear of not having answers to their questions. Fear that their child will respond negatively. You name it, there is a ton of fear and anxiety associated with this topic. For some of you, talking to your kids about porn and sex related issues is one of the scariest things you could ever imagine.And for us to say, “It’s all in your mind and there is no basis for your fears,” isn’t a very satisfying answer nor is it completely true.

Some say there are two types of fears. There is the fear of getting physically hurt and the fear of looking foolish in the eyes of others. The second type of fear is certainly a reality when talking about porn. Parents want their kids respect, honor, and admiration and so talking about porn may lead to us possibly looking like a complete idiot.

A certain level of anxiety exists with every parent when considering this topic. You are not alone. However, the major problem with fear is that it causes us to flee instead of engage. It puts a wedge between us and our child. And ultimately when we don’t have these difficult conversations, we put our kids at risk. Here are a just few things to help overcome some of these fears.

Get Perspective
It’s important to understand you are not handling poisonous snakes, speaking to large crowds, or having to walk across hot coals. For heaven’s sake, you’re talking to your own flesh and blood; your child who loves you and expects you to look after them. I’m sure most parents could create a list right now of significantly harder and scarier things to do than talking about porn. And understand too, that the role of the parent is to make the hard decisions. When we signed up for this parenting job we all knew it wasn’t going to be a cake walk. But get the big picture and put the porn talk into proper perspective.

Mistakes Are Okay
There is no such thing as a perfect conversation or a perfect way to have the porn talk. If you foolishly think you are going to do everything right, well you might be in for a rude awakening. The porn talk conversation probably won’t be a flawlessly executed plan. No matter how much you prepare or how many great nuggets of information you get from this site, it’s important to know that if you do make a mistake or something goes horribly wrong (probably won’t, but if it did) just know it’s okay. You will not be fired as a parent. You will not be kicked out of the household. Your kids won’t now go into the depths of porno depravity. Simply regroup and try it again. This is not the easiest thing in the world to do so cut yourself a little slack.

Don’t Go It Alone
The Lone Ranger had Tonto. Kermit the Frog had Fozzie Bear. And you have people who will stand behind you on this. If you are married and you can’t imagine talking to your child one on one about pornography then take your spouse. If you’re a single parent find support with other parents. Talk about this with each other. Ask your friends if they have talked to their children about Internet dangers and pornography. Take courage in the fact that you are not alone in this and that millions of parents all over the world are in the same boat as you.

Perfect Love Casts Out All Fear
This conversation must be motivated by your love and concern for your child. And it is that love that will take precedent over your anxiety and fear. Be driven by your incredible love and desire for your child to have a healthy and rewarding life. It will certainly drown out all the garbage and excuses that would stop you from having the porn talk.